Skip to main content

Felt Like


Its been rather boring, the days are coming and going by. The world has been a safer place, a nicer place, a place where the path is straight, thats all we hope for, right?Ummm! The position am in at this point of time, I feel the journey is getting too monotonous, the challenges are too vague, the people around me , too predictable, too familiar.Am I living my dream, am I doing things I wanted to, am I doing things at all, very philosophical are these questions, yet I seek the answers.
Low, disturbed, deep down, yet apparently perfect and happy. I am confused about what I really feel.

I feel the need to express, to say so much, but I do not have listeners, I feel that those who cared, those who listened, have lost interest. The performance is no longer that grand, the expressions , no longer that clear and provoking....

 Ambition is a good thing, the popular belief.. The human emotion, which pushes it, pulls it through, which instills a ruthlessness , necessary for success, yet its the same ambition, which keeps me heartbroken, which mocks me, pricks me, eats into my self confidence, because every achievement, seems shallow, every initiative, weak.

Its a passing phase, a phase where, every by stander, is a raging crowd, every friend a demanding proposition and every step , an upward incline....Do I still believe in victory, yes I do, do I believe in redemption, yes I do... Do I believe in myself... Much more than I ever did... Yet its gloomy, around....

To be honest, the reasons are well defined, the problem is, I never thought, I could be touched so deep. A couple of months, has left me drained, emotionally and physically, a single event has weakened me, its sad to say, that what would give me the greatest strength, took away my breath and am yet to catch it. Do I feel betrayed , may be,but the very next moment I realise that there were too many variables, out of them all,only a couple let me down,which I was particularly of fond of and that proved to me my undoing....

Somebody had warned me, that it would be the most difficult step to take, I guess it was, couple of years of love and toil, is difficult to let go, difficult to forget....

You know what, I am not complaining, but I am scared, I might just end up. So let me sum up.
 This is an effort to say, I am sad and an equal effort to convince myself am not, in the process,honest, yet careful, not to remind myself of the impending outburst, which is needed to make me feel lighter.

This was vague, but I wanted to write something,I feel amazed at the difficulty I have at writing , being honest, expressing these days. In my effort to veil the emotions , I have drawn curtains to heavy........................

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Beche Thakar Gaan

A Different Feel by Osibek Pal on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 2:50pm  To, Manimanjari Sengupta THIS IS NOT A TRANSLATION OR AN INTERPRETATION OF THE SONG, ITS THE ENGLISH VERSION , OF " BECHE THAKAR GAAN" ORIGINAL VERSION BY ANUPAM ROY, WRITTEN IN THE SAME THEME, HOWEVER THERE ARE SOME OBVIOUS DIFFERENCES IN THOUGHT, FOR THE SAKE OF RHYME SCHEME, LET ME KNOW HOW YOU LIKE THIS VERSION...   Force me to forget a paintbrush..  And learn just light and dark..   Remember ,I wont comply...  Wont Pragmatise life, if you ask...     Banish me from your life's tell tale...  I wouldn't complain.... But ask me to justify my love...   I wouldn't , not if I am slain..     Cause, I have seen it all, known it all...  Quick sand, is not just for the beaches...  It has drained life, breath, blood and love,  let alone petty riches..     Cause, I have seen it all, known it all, ti...

Untiled

It all started in Presidency College. The first kiss,  the first bout of anger,  the first getting wet in the rain. Shreya and Srijan loved what they had. They loved being in love,  cuddly, cosy and always into each other.  They were the sort,  who were outcasted from society due to their "coupletiness" . They existed in a world segregated from friends,  family. They were mesmerised by each other,  in a sense they started living in a virtual world that they created, until one day when Srijan went abroad. He realised the potential of being alone,  of creating for himself,  for the joy which he didn't know could come from sheer self indulgence. He realised the matters if the heart blunts the brain, cripples it,  makes it focus on things which need lesser attention. He realised that the relationship though beautiful was a hindrance. He realised that the world is a vast place and "perfect" can't lie within one.... Years went by and t...

Well life Goes On

Its not about Partying, Pissing or even panting in the Summers.....Its more of what you call you know what...Yes The Ramblings of my little heart somehow goes Pitter - patter at her sight but well I know like she doesn't feel so...Its more of being In an excitable state the love rather overcomes infatuation but well life sucks .Some has in Orkut "The Gravity Is all Shit....Its The earth Tat Sux"Rite he is absolutely perfect but then again it goes on....In 11 its more of a rat race which if you win you will be eligible for one more rat race and if you are not eligible you get kicked out...Hey that should not be the way...I am a simple person but I might just have an ambition the size of a Sky Scraper...Well unrealistic in today's world but very much possible....today is one of the sad days in the life of many Xaverians....Yes Yes Mr.B K Ganguli has retired I have not been fortunate enough to be taught by him but from what i have heard he was an excitable prospect....